Monday, October 3, 2011

My First Speeding Ticket....

By popular demand, I will tell you the story of my first speeding ticket.  I have been asked repeatedly to tell this unfortunate, but apparently funny story.
Believe it or not, living in the 5th wheel without a real job leaves me with some spare time.  Shocking, I know.  Because of this, Greg's boss asked him if I could drive to Salt Lake City to pick up a co-workers wife, because if the "husband" missed anymore work, they were going to fire him.  The "wife" had an appointment with the immigration office to get her green card and she didn't know how to drive, so I reluctantly accepted the request and drove Greg's truck the 3 hours to SLC.  When I showed up to pick her up, I found a sweet Filipino lady, a baby, a dog and a truck full of crap waiting for me at a dive hotel.  Great!  So I packed it all up, the dog rode shotgun with me and the "wife" and baby rode in the back seat.
So we are cruising along, the dog is sitting on the console, inches from my face, staring at me.  The "wife" is sitting in the back with the crying baby and each time the baby cries, she TAKES IT OUT OF THE CAR-SEAT!  As you can imagine, I was quite surprised to have all of this surrounding me and was ready to get this 3 hour drive over with.  So we continue our drive, the "wife" continues to have the baby out of the carseat, she's nursing, and the dog is still staring at me.

About a mile from our exit, we pass a cop, I think to myself, "no big deal, I'm only going 5 over."  And he whips out and turns on the lights.  I yell, "Put that baby in the carseat, NOW! We are getting pulled over!"  So I take my sweet time pulling over, while the baby gets buckled in.  I put on my blinker, check my blindspot and slowly pull over.  THANK goodness she got the baby in the carseat because I probably would've been hauled off in handcuffs.
So the lovely, gentleman (NOT!) of an officer walks up and gives the usual spiel ... "ma'am I'm Idaho State Police, bla, bla, bla ... do you know why I pulled you over?"  And I think to myself, hmm... I'm speeding, I have an illegal immigrant in the backseat, there's a baby out of it's carseat, and there's a little yapping dog staring in the officers face ready to bite him at any moment.  So I reply, "No sir, I don't have a clue."
Without even a moment for explanation he replies, "License and registration, please."  So I rumble through Greg's glovebox for an unexpired registration and hand over the papers.
He returns and hands me a citation for going 84 mph in a 75mph zone!  Just like that!  He didn't even give me a chance to fake cry, bat my eyelashes or try to make up a story about having to go to the bathroom, NOTHING!  Come to find out the speedomoter was off in Greg's truck.

I was crushed.  Not only was this whole trip a joke, but I ended up with my first speeding ticket to boot!   I felt like I'd been on a winning team, undefeated for 10 years of driving.  And then, boom, I lose.  It was like losing the Superbowl, so heartbreaking to end such a long winning streak.  Total defeat.
So Greg gets home and I tell him the story in all my depressed glory.  He looks at the ticket and immediately notices that the kind officer made some major mistakes: I gave him the registration for the 5th wheel instead of the truck, so he recorded that I was driving a 2005 Montana trailer (which is impossible), and he also writes down my incorrect weight off of my drivers license!  He said I was 20 pounds heavier than I actually am!  Total bologna!!!!  What an jerk! Of course, I won't be able to be there for the courtdate to fight it.  So I write the lovely State of Idaho an $85 check.

And that's not the end of it, I later found out that the "wife" actually has a drivers license, but she chooses not to drive because the baby cries (boo freakin hoo!).  And last, but certainly not least, the "husband" gets fired anyways 2 days later.  Damn the luck.
Hopefully there's not many more stories like this to come, but my guess is that there probably will be.  Stay tuned for more adventures, good and bad.
Share your most ridiculous cop story or joke to make me feel better. Thanks for reading.


  1. OK, not as good as yours, but some years ago at CWU, I volunteered to take some Japanese university administrators back to Yakima so that they could catch their flight to SeaTac and on to Japan. I figured I was heading home to Yakima anyways. So, I decided to give them a more scenic tour and drove them down the Yakima River Canyon. As we approached the end of the canyon, I decided that perhaps if I sped up a bit, we could get to the airport and have a farewell drink. I drive maybe 1/2 mi at 55mph (45mph is the posted speed limit), and as I turned a corner, there was a state patrol officer with his radar gun on me. So, I have these Japanese dignitaries in the car and I'm getting busted! Embarrassing! Well, after getting the ticket, we were too late to have that drink, so I just sent them on their way.

  2. This was HYSTERICAL! I am laughing out loud at home... ahhh good stuff, Dana! I can totally picture it. I am trying to find what exactly Greg does that leads you to this luxurious trailer life! Where do I go to find that?

    1. I'm glad you got a good laugh! In hindsight it's funny, at the time...I was pissed! Google "power lineman" and look at the images to give you an idea what that crazy kid does :)